Catching Up

I can think of hundreds of excuses for not being able to maintain this blog. Yet, like most in life, we only need one reason to get over the stupendous amount of things that seem to work against us. Thankfully, from out of the blue, I was reminded again this week that the primary reason I started writing online is to reach out to Zaki especially when the time comes that shared memory of when we were together won't be as vivid as they are now.

As incomplete a picture of how it was, anything is better than nothing. I know it's been more than a year and a lot of things has happened -- a couple more hospital confinements, the big decision with mum spending more time with you choosing homeschool, addiction to online, iOS and Android games, trips we've spent together flying out of Manila, our numerous debates about cleaning up your toys, what clothes to wear, the 'contra' mentality and that growing interest in learning more about the Bible and the saints.

I'm not sure if it sounds alarming but you're very much becoming like your father, only ten times more weirder.

Of Boxing Kids at Home and On the Ring

Couple of articles today, one in the NYTimes and the other from Wired, both having potential impact on raising Zaki.

Redshirting Kindergarteners
This is not the solution. The school system's the failure. Every child is curious and excited to learn. It's not a matter of letting kid being left at home as both parents now everywhere else needs to work.

What we need are schools focused on feeding off that learning drive and not just on society's focus on churning out readers by the dozen. While it is true that early readers or math wizs can be prized for their early development according to the norms, what kids need most at this stage is more social play and not academics. I'd rather have a kid enjoying learning than one who has memorized alphabet and numbers because of some drill sergeant of a teacher under pressure from a flawed school requirement.

I don't have a lot of data on how well things turn out for those but I can outright say that I believe that all early readers may do well all their school life, proof can be on the report cards, but the motivation is highly suspect nor learning for them has been highly enjoyable and a wonderful adventure, to say the least. Tis that or it may just be my bias on those who were not able to finish required academic requirements but still found success in life in pursuit of their passions regardless of educational attainment.

Stress-hormone Cortisol and boxing fate
Although Zaki will always have problems with cortisol and testosterone levels all her life because of CAH, I wouldn't count her out if she goes into boxing. Big if, of course ...

PS: Just came from the hospital 6 hours ago where Zaki was given IV and the usual hydrocortisone shot to replace fluids she lost vomiting all morning. We're home now but kept IV line open with HepLock. Did sponge bath half an hour ago and gave analgesic to bring down fever. Tough life but mum and dad are up for the task.

Out of this World

Seems we're not the only ones fascinated and perplexed by the kid. Last week, we met her teacher along with the school principal at school. Conversation pieces I remembered:

In my years of teaching, this is first time I felt frustrated. Despite all my efforts, it seems I couldn't break through to her. A certain speaker at a conference I attended spoke of a small percentage of children who were different from the norm. I get the feeling that I've finally met one. The consensus among all school teachers is that she is probably one of the nicest kids in school. (Uhmmm) Despite her difficulties, she always has a ready smile and is genuinely happy. She always does things double-time, always in a hurry. Her world revolves around super-heroes and always assesses the lessons according to its relevance to the comic characters her mind is often preoccupied with.

Asked for comment, I thanked them for their patience and asked them to not lose trust in their abilities as educators. We're constantly re-assessing our options and trying to instead see where her interests and strengths lie and go from there. Above all, just seeing her healthier, with very few medical incidents compared to the last school year, is already a great victory in itself. Can't really say we're on to something but there goes Zaki for you. Only to find out Friday night that she has fever and after three plus days, is still in process of recovery. Better but still not sleeping as soundly as she normally does. Strange. Call her condition 'guarded' - as if all her days isn't termed as such.

Boredom Means Cruelty for Kids

First of all, I'm not going to argue for absolutes because I'm quite sure many consider ourselves quite normal even without the so-called progressive parenting that we rarely enjoyed as children. Point I want to make is that we should not rest until we can give the best for our kids - not in terms of material wealth but of course, little things that we could tweak to make better caring, creative and fearless human beings.

Zaki looks forward to spending weekends at my parent's house. She looks forward to seeing her uncles and even takes snacks from her own loot to bring as gifts. But most of all, she gets to see and play with her younger cousin, Gabby - precocious, naughty kid if ever there was one. Still, Zaki loves being with him and is patient enough not to beat the crap out of the little guy when he is being too hard-headed.

And the past weekend is no exception. In fact, more than ever, it further highlighted the fact that kids need to be social and playing with others seems to be the most valuable expression of this. We know Zaki can be such a glutton at home often raiding the fridge for food or downing an average of a liter of milk on a daily basis. But this weekend, she hasn't even finished a 250ml bottle and barely slept through the night, waking up before dawn already scouting if someones awake to begin the day. Obviously, my mom was up and the two headed off to buy pandesal before sunrise. You should see her face light up despite the lack of sleep. If that's not passion, I wonder what is.

But then all good things come to an end. Making the usual goodbye gestures, I get the sense that Zaki was thankful for the opportunity and was living in the moment, not worried about the boredom about to face her once again being alone at home with yaya.

Try as we can, I don't think wifey and I staying at home can really make up for it. Having another kid is entirely out of the question, too. It's a dilemma we will have to wrestle with given our limited resources. Hope Zaki accepts our apologies.

Happiness is ...

Zaki's new obsession is Charlie Brown and she's willing to have her head shaved. Maybe someday. For now, all she can do is wear yellow shirts and try to sing-along ...

Time to Give, no, Bestow!

Zaki: Bakit ka paulit-ulit, daddy? (Why do you keep on repeating yourself, daddy?)

Besides belaboring the point, I simply can't help it. It just comes out of my mouth in the hope that actions would likely follow. Can only wish that I be given more chances and opportunities to do so.

To not be encumbered as to how to spend it well.

To be, as much as possible, present.

Nothing else but time, baby.

Although Not Built for Celebrations

Zaki and I both had big days within the last 72 hours, big as in there's more than 5 people within arms reach, had to dress up and we're right in the thick/think of the action. With clockwork precision, we're both down with flu right after. Happens every year. I'd say, there are a lot of things we can improve on to make it a bigger celebration next year as long as family, friends and dearest ones keep coming. And wifey agrees to handle the bulk of the preparations, again :) Till then, we can go back to the unexciting, keep-to-ourselves, childish-conversations'-days we are very much accustomed to. Amen.

Something You Can Never Say Enough Of ...

I should probably be creating a new version because that little girl has grown quite a lot already. One of these days ...

Thank you - The Pale Fountains

Between the Idyllic and the Pragmatic

Lord knows I don't really know what those terms mean and I'd hardly use them during conversations especially with Zaki. Still, I do believe that one of the most enduring conflicts that dominate childhood (or at least from an adult perspective) is how to thread the line between the fantasy stuff and what actually happens.

Coincidentally, there's a brilliant piece about the movie "Where the Wild Things Are" that essentially illustrates this dilemma.


Adding to that is how ever-enduring is the magic of Sesame Street - 40th year (photos), that people of all ages had come to embrace despite what what the hypercritical may label as 'politically incorrect'.


At the end, the lessons may not be as apparent as we'd like to learn at that exact moment, whether at the end of the film or TV show, because truthfully, we can all just trust time to do that. And it never fails.

Love then sit back. Enjoy the ride.

A Day in the LIfe

I read the news today oh boy

About a girl who had me turned away

And though each day just seems to pass

She always makes me gasp

In silence, I would laugh

Now there she stands across the floor

Could something better be worth living for

And if it seems that hopes' beyond

I'd just close my eyes

Could go on but certain that no words could capture all these thoughts

(Borrowing from John, Paul, George and Ringo) - Info

Probably the lowest I've ever felt happened three years ago in October.

Now, each day is, truly, a blessing.

Tau and Destructive Power of Love

Go ahead, Pacman! Enter politics. It would be better to have a brain that can be corrupted than remain the hero who in the future cannot even recall, why he is revered as such and at same time, wondering why he is still alive. Don't care whether you're doing it to help more people but by all means, realize that it's time to stop, no later.

Few of us would have the sense to recognize that we cheer brutality even if it's something that's happening right in front of our faces. Nowhere is it more apparent than in the field of boxing - which by all accounts remains to be the toughest sport there is. In a way, television has cushioned some of the violence that boxers endure while inside the ring because ask anyone who has watched ringside or has seen fighters spar that those punches thrown are by no means, just pitter-patter slaps.

I love boxing.

I admit, I have such high regard for boxers. Not only do they endure the most difficult discipline of training but even more, most do it for measly sums of money. It's as if it's a test of character, spirit and strength all rolled into one. Inside the ring, it's mana-a-mano. No weapons besides your hands and the skills developed inside the training gyms. It's a virtual mythology happening within your lifetime, of rising from ground up and conquering odds, conquering through all that life has thrown at you. Victory and recognition are fruits made sweetest by the unmatched physical pain boxers go through.

Yet, much as I am ecstatic to see my boxer pull through, the fact isn't lost on me that besides physical punishment, the losing boxer loses even some of his spirit.

But those are intangibles and waxing poetic about health won't move legislation nor blind sports passion. And until a concrete proof comes - that such contact sports do cause harm in a big way, can all of us really stop to consider the consequences of our actions or inactions.

I think that, finally, there's proof or at least I think research on Alzheimer's opened something. Malcolm Gladwell writes.

The stained tissue of Alzheimer’s patients typically shows the two trademarks of the disease—distinctive patterns of the proteins beta-amyloid and tau. Beta-amyloid is thought to lay the groundwork for dementia. Tau marks the critical second stage of the disease: it’s the protein that steadily builds up in brain cells, shutting them down and ultimately killing them. An immunostain of an Alzheimer’s patient looks, under the microscope, as if the tissue had been hit with a shotgun blast: the red and brown marks, corresponding to amyloid and tau, dot the entire surface. But this patient’s brain was different. There was damage only to specific surface regions of his brain, and the stains for amyloid came back negative. “This was all tau,” Ann McKee, who runs the hospital’s neuropathology laboratory, said. “There was not even a whiff of amyloid. And it was the most extraordinary damage. It was one of those cases that really took you aback.” The patient may have been in an Alzheimer’s facility, and may have looked and acted as if he had Alzheimer’s. But McKee realized that he had a different condition, called chronic traumatic encephalopathy (C.T.E.), which is a progressive neurological disorder found in people who have suffered some kind of brain trauma. C.T.E. has many of the same manifestations as Alzheimer’s: it begins with behavioral and personality changes, followed by disinhibition and irritability, before moving on to dementia. And C.T.E. appears later in life as well, because it takes a long time for the initial trauma to give rise to nerve-cell breakdown and death. But C.T.E. isn’t the result of an endogenous disease. It’s the result of injury. The patient, it turned out, had been a boxer in his youth. He had suffered from dementia for fifteen years because, decades earlier, he’d been hit too many times in the head.

Which leads me to wonder if this was the cause of the behavioral changes that happened to Billy Collins after that tragic fight which ultimately led to his death. It was easy to attribute his broken spirit to the beating he took and failure to live to his celebrated potential thereafter.

Yet, it seems that what we have here is actually a direct correlation between head traumas and drastic behavioral changes which manifests as alcohol abuse, unexplained headaches and strange, out-of-the-blue violent outbursts.

I'm not sure how this will change sports such as boxing and football but people should know what they're cheering inside that sports arena and face the facts. Boxers, promoters, sports officials and sponsors are not entirely to blame.

We could be just as guilty as they are.

Related:
Kevin Iole on HBO's Assault in the Ring

PS: Also addressing it to you, Zaki, so you may not get the idea that Daddy is blood-thirsty as you may think just because he is a big boxing fan. Because, more than boxing, I care about boxers (and the well-being of all humans) even more.

Hans 2009

He probably would be the 2nd unofficial family member after marrying our dearest Neng - exactly when, I could not remember at the moment.

He mostly kept to himself but always ready to to help with whatever chore with never a hint of dismay. Always with a ready smile, he seems a content with how life is most often, a struggle to find a steady wage. Yet, his biggest enemy remains to be his asthmatic condition. For years, it has been such a pain with the suddenness of attacks which made it more difficult for him to do what he can do best - to work in construction jobs.

Alejandro or Hans finally succumbed to asthma just past midnight today. Although we never had much contact the past few months, he is very much in our thoughts, his company expected whenever we get a chance to go North Metro for a visit.

Seems we won't get a chance to see him or talk with him again soon. But with the works he has done, in my old room, our house and even here in Las Pinas, I'm sure we will never forget him. A pity Zaki didn't get to play with you as much as she wanted.

Bye, Hans.

Unconditional

Like most first-time parents raising kid/s, the urge to get it right often leads to plenty of research and book expenses. We're we for the better for it? Or was it all about approval for our parenting methods as a result of our own childhood experiences. In any case, I feel helpless and confused. Worse, Zaki would be the one who suffers the most.

There must be a better way. I'm not looking for perfect! Thanks, Alfie Kohn!

Septem-whirl

You may not be able to remember this in a few year's time, Zaki but this was one week where we spent consecutive days going on daily trips even as the rains kept pouring. Sure, it was a Monday holiday (in honor of Mr. E. Manalo who passed away just a few days prior to that), but we never did get some rest. Starting with the weekend, we just got ourselves into trouble going to Alabang and ended up going back and settling on SM Southmall.

Monday was no different as we both went to the office to retrieve some stuff I needed to bring early Tuesday morning for the Y4IT event. And it did not end there as after that, we proceeded to go to Nasugbu - Calaca in Batangas at almost 12 in the evening hoping to get a glimpse of the supposed apparitions at the pilgrimage site. And how memorable it was for the surprises that greeted us there at almost 2 am of September 8.

The rains were relentless and the ground wet with mud. Still, what was more surprising were the number of people who were there! Talk about devotion in pursuit of things of the spirit.

It was a miracle that none of us got sick after that arduous trek that I even went straight to work without the benefit of sleep that almost lasted 37 hours. I was worried that we would be putting you in harm's way by letting you come with us but again, it wouldn't be the same going without you.

Then, of course came another special day - you're Tito Mike's and Tita Sharon's wedding. Nothing special if it were not for the fact that you'd be the flower boy, err, girl. It was pretty memorable topped off by the loss of my wallet containing not only IDs and a ATM payroll card.


Shall we do it again soon?

I certainly hope so and the sooner the better to make those pilgrimages. Otherwise, you may well be carrying dad and not the other way around. And if we can do some other things besides offering eggs for a better weather, then we'd be doing ourselves (and our laundry) a great favor.

CAH and it's weight in Gold

Controversy on the Caster Semenya case ... Debate will be either philosophical or scientific/medical standards. Debating sex ...

Brings to mind the past and quite possibly, what athletes who have CAH has in the future.

Parenting: When Quantity Trumps Quality

Ayelet Waldman on time with kids:
“Quality time doesn’t work with kids,” she says. “If kids had to decide between spending one hour a day with an attentive, loving mom, and 24 hours with a bitterly suicidal mom, they’ll pick the suicidal wretch every time. They want you 24/7.”


It is much easier to say that it was because of CAH that we quit our jobs to dedicate ourselves to your first 3 years of life. Yet, I think it was divine grace giving us the butt-kick to really pursue what we felt could be the most important task of our lives.

That is to spend as much time with you.

True - that my parenting skills are far from ideal and oftentimes, frustration and impatience turn me into a scary menace. Still, you have shown us how deeply you care for us by turning a blind eye instead and letting it all pass with quick wit and wacky gestures.

Time, indeed is love, actuated.

Endocrine Importance

Under threat?

There's a good post about EDC's (Endocrine-Disrupting Chemicals) that highlight environmental threats. We don't know really if these chemicals are harmful, but the evidence is mounting.

Deformities, threats to immune system as well as hormone disturbances would be the ones worth keeping an eye on and so far investigations on frog deformities may shed more light on agricultural chemicals interacting with water supplies.

Keeping the endocrine system functioning at optimal level is more important than one might care. Trust us, living with Zaki and CAH made us realize that.

On another note, read about the relationship between the stress hormone, cortisol, hunches and how they may prove better than the brain in identifying threats.

Bit Hurried For A Long Movie

I'm not sure you're going to remember this after some time but with me and mum, you watched your first Harry Potter on the big screen a few days ago after almost a week of "Are you going with us or staying at home" discussions.

And so finally, we all went to watch Harry and the Half-Blood Prince amidst the backdrop of a dark, stormy weather, finding comfort inside the Mall of Asia not unlike our house, with buckets on the floor for a leaky roof and a bucket of popcorn in toe.

To say that it was horrible would be too much but it was too much calm before the storm of the next movie. It felt as if almost 3 hours were spent to drum up anticipation of the next film and most which are conversations and explanations for which a child, such as Zaki, isn't expected to appreciate.

Fortunately, she's as big as Potter fans as my wife and I are, so all things are easily forgiven.

It also felt good that we didn't pay to watch in IMAX.

We're now on our 5th Harry Potter movie hopefully for the 4th day in a row. And, yes, we adore Alfonso Cuaron's Azkaban.

Hey, Doofus!

First, pardon the language. Zaki's been picking up a lot of stuff especially on TV and owing to her genes, she's bound to be extra receptive to irreverent stuff. Much as I want to apologize, this dad can't help it. Innate punk.

But it doesn't mean I'm up to no good at all.

Failings and all, this is for you, Zaki.

I Believe in You from Jon Gordon on Vimeo.

Pill-popper

Zaki started oral steroids since day 4 but it was only last night that she was able to take it without us having to dissolve it before giving it to her.

How'd we do it? Wrap it in chocolate.

Now, she is a certified pill-popper. Pics to come.