Monday, December 24, 2007

Not so fast, Santa ...

And just when I thought that we'd finally be enjoying a regular, worry-free Christmas, here's what made this year unforgettable ...

1. Just finished my Christmas blog and thought I was done for the week and Zaki woke up almost at lunchtime and went straight to the PC asking to watch Spidey and Dark Knight trailers.

2. She did not drink milk all 12 hours. She still hasn't had any meal and we needed to give her daily medicines. We forced her to drink even a few ounces and sneaked in the meds and we thought that was it.

3. Now she started vomiting. For almost 3 hours, it never stopped. Tried several times to give oral meds but would just vomit again and again. Kept calm. Kept on giving water with rehydration solutions. We're a mess!

4. Left for hospital and back to familiar scene for us. Time was ticking and no way am I going to be reasonably patient, with traffic and hospital personnel. She was put on IV, gave steroidintravenously. She was back to bubbly self even with needle stuck on her left hand. Waited to finish almost 2 small bottles of IV and went home by 6 pm.

5. She was playing with her toys and being her demanding self. Made calls to family and friends that everything's fine. Guess, we spoke too soon.

6. By 9 pm she still wasn't feeding. So we tried milk again. She vomited once again and complained of aching tummy. We're too tired to keep an eye on her and felt weak to care for her ourselves. By 12, we're back in hospital.

7. She doesn't look weak, it's just that we were worried that she won't be recovering all the fluids she lost that day if she can't eat anything. And believe me, it is as if she coughed up a pail of fluids! Her stomach must be really quizzy! Submitted watery stools for lab (found out just before we went home that results were negative).

8. IV needle now on right hand but still as 'hyper' as ever. If you've seen her at the hospital, even with the IV dangling, you'd never think she 's sick or anything. We all got some good sleep, maybe except Leriz. (I was tired and felt confident already.)

9. "Tita Doc" the pediatrician came. We're cleared to go home but still no definite cause. I suspect that its purely CAH-related. Wife says maybe its time Zaki needed stronger dose and remembered that Zaki's been unusually 'head-sweaty' the last few days. Eerily similar 3 years ago just after birth when she was really such a pity to look at.

10. She has eaten already and drank a couple bottles of milk. Still bothered by quizzy stomach
passed watery but non-smelly stool but fine nonetheless. Mother and daughter are sleeping now as I get to catch a glimpse of them from time to time. Jut praying for the best.

Honestly, I was more angry than worried yesterday. I felt we were remiss, not providing the care that we should be doing and felt unreasonable looking for any clue proving that Leriz may have done something that contributed to Zaki's ailment. Felt sorry for that. Deep inside, I was angry at myself for what happened because ever since I became busy with work, Zaki started to have those episodes. Anyway, guess I should know better.

It wasn't till all three of us were in bed that it occurred to me that there was something different about Zaki. Even with CAH, I never treated her condition as special. Yes, we gave her medicines religiously everyday but still felt she was like any other kid. Special, yes but just like the others.

It was when we were in bed and I was watching MI3 the whole time, that Zaki never 'relaxed' for even 5 seconds. She kept herself busy, drawing, shouting, arguing with Leriz, singing and wrestling the poor pillow and really gripping it tightly between her arms and legs (Leriz even took out the rubber pacifiers which she bit like a pitbull). This went on for about the whole HBO movie. And it will take 2 more hours before Leriz and I pretended to be asleep so she'd shut her eye, too.

Deep inside, I just wanted to hug Zaki. I felt that she was struggling with forces beyond her - something inside, like hormones that she can't control. I was looking through her eyes and wanted to reach her but felt she was lost with all that energy that kept overpowering her. Physically and mentally, I think she'll be one of the strongest and brightest kids. Or a super hero perhaps. No kidding.

I just hope I will remain half as strong as these two very dear persons. There's no belittling CAH. I'll try to remember that.

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas is upon us

It has been months since the last post. Yes, been quite busy with work and the grind of being in front of the Macbook - searching, reading and typing really has taken it's toll on me. But there's no denying that the holidays brings with it a lot of positive cheer.

We're not talking of the usual gifts and presents here, though. As one gets, uhh, old certain material things just don't cut it anymore, even as Zaki continues to accumulate what I call ' week-long obsessions'. Christmas is much more than that, I bet.

It is about friends and families, and about doing something really relevant with our lives. Not to sound preachy but it's true. Doing things you love brings a lot of goodwill. But doing things, the difficult and the ones you'd rather avoid, out of love is empowering and magical!

And Zaki makes sure that we learn that ... Merry Christmas to all, Maligayang Pasko sa lahat!